The Bells

"You did what?" The vicar asked.
"Broke the bell", the boy replied.
"I let go of the rope on Saturday
To have a quick look at the bride.

"She plays Karen in Eastenders,
I watch her every week.
I couldn't ring at her wedding
And not have a sneaky peek."

"But how did the bell get broken?
Presumably it was resting on its stay?"
"That's right, vicar, the bell started there,
But it didn't end up that way.

"You see, I told Dave to come have a look,
And Davey, he told Tim.
Tim told George and Harry,
The Girdenbecker twins.

"Soon the whole team was over
Trying to see down to the aisle.
I thought Karen looked nervous and drawn,
But Dave said that he saw her smile.

"Harry said he'd tied the ropes,
But the string was a little bit frayed.
First the tenor tipped and teetered,
Then it started a full cascade.

"The sound was rather lovely,
I wish I could play it back,
But the tenor swung a mite too fast
And the beam developed a crack.

"We ran for the nearest exit
As it dropped to the bell tower floor.
The wood initially resisted,
But now the floor is no more."

"Wait - so the bell tower floor is ruined?
Then tell me, where did it land?"
"I'm afraid to say, dear vicar,
That's when things got a little out of hand.

"By the time the bell tower floor gave way
The wedding party had scattered.
Which was lucky, as onto the still-warm pews
The bell and roof beams clattered.

"The slabs of the great aisle floor cracked
And through the cracks it slipped.
Down into the darkness
Where it now sits in the crypt.

"Now what's wrong, vicar?
Your face is growing whiter.
None of this would have happened
If the bell's had been a bit lighter."