Fart, parp, bottom belch,
Let's get that out of the way,
I'm talking about the ferocious wind
That's plaguing me today.
It started not that long ago
While passing some young ragamuffin
On the streets of Lewes
When my bum began a-puffin'.
I quickly scuttled off while he
Was coughing in my noxious wake,
I've never left such virulent gas,
Why start now, for goodness' sake.
But little did I know that
It would only become worse
As my derriere decanted
Gross emissions like a curse.
Clouds of steam erupted
From my trousers in the cold
And as the day went on
Those vapours multiplied tenfold.
Lonesome bees fell from the air,
Cats went into mass hysteria,
Dogs trotted up to greet me
While wildly sniffing my posterior.
I ran for home, but as I did
I shook those chemicals in my belly,
And you can probably intuit that
The resultant burst was rather smelly.
But that's where you'd be wrong,
You see, the shaking caused an overload
As all that acid mixed and churned
Until my stomach did explode...
And I awoke in bed with a start
Sweat dripping from my midriff,
It was just a terrible dream, you see
(though there was the echo of a raucous whiff!)